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3 More Months

There are 3 more months until the end of the year. 3 more months until gyms are in membership heaven, reeling in the healthy hopefuls. 3 more months until Anti-New Years Resolutionists appear and the “New Year, New Me” declarations begin.

How has the year flown by so quickly already? January 2016 feels like it was just a few days ago and here comes January 2017 trying to make me proclaim what changes I will make in my life. Well let me tell you what *insert snap*

I can already let you know that 2017 will be a year of changes and firsts because these last 3 years have been a complete whirlwind that have led me to shed who I was, and rethink how I see things and deal with people.

Within the past few years I have experienced heartache after heartache and disappointments left and right. I kid you not, my life has been nothing short of a Tyler Perry movie. A 3 year long Tyler Perry movie. Actually, a 7 year long Tyler Perry movie if we are being honest (sips tea). I have been beaten up emotionally and mentally, kicking and screaming my whole way…fighting how unfair it all seems. Asking myself how things got here? How long am I allowed to be mad? Where the hell did I get so distracted? Dear Lord, why did Beyonce’s “Lemonade” have to get me in ALL my feelings like that? WHY? I have weeks where I am great. Super “Eye of the Tiger” type shit and I even eat breakfast. Correction: I even COOK breakfast. Then there are days where I feel defeated and feel like I am doomed to fail. No damn breakfast was eaten on those days.

It’s all been extremely traumatic and so incredibly angering, but it has also renewed me.

When you are stripped down to the bare bones, when you have to pick up the pieces of your life and rebuild yourself inch by inch, you come out on the other side a completely different person. Your mindset evolves. Your heart may beat differently, but it’s stronger. Your smile may be hiding your pain, but it’s still there. Your life may take on a whole new direction, but….guess who’s steering the ship?

I cannot cater to people or friendships that do not benefit me or help me grow. Luckily I have a solid few and a wonderful family, so no worries there.  I will not waste my time arguing (anymore). I won’t keep material things in my life that are useless. I have no time for anyone else shit. I will eat all the tacos. I will say yes to opportunities. I will accept help. I will drink more wine (responsibly of course) and I will laugh and enjoy all the weird creepy things my beautiful babies do because…why not?

3 more months to go, but I am already here to tell you that 2017 is not only New Year, New Me. It’s New Goals, New Limits, New Job…NEW LIFE.

And at the end of the day I thank God for it all. How else would I have gotten here?
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Xoxo,

Cherie

(note: I wrote this at 4 am while eating donuts and drinking Juicy Juice #Classy)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Don’t Wanna

I often express how hard adulting is.  You know when it’s the worst? When there’s a spider in your home and you’re crying inside looking for a grown up,  only to realize…YOU ARE THE GROWN UP.

I stumbled upon an evil huge spider yesterday and had to kill it myself.  I’m TERRIFIED of spiders and I wanted to scream and faint, wake up,  then burn the house down.  Since I didn’t want to give my children a complex,  I shakily told my 2 year old that spiders really aren’t that scary, but they aren’t allowed to live in the house.  And there’s only one way out.  Muahaha

It’s dead.  I was a grown up and killed it,  and my 2 year didn’t have to witness me have a panic attack like last time.

Definitely a win

Welcome…again?

I’m going to take back EVERYTHING I thought I ever knew about life and throw it out the window. You just never know what will come your way! This thing called Life has shaken me down for all I’ve got and stripped me to the bare bones. But somehow, I’m still in one piece. One very thick piece.

I had to take a very loooooooong break from writing on here because my life got crazy for a second.  When I say crazy,  I mean… Tyler Perry movie,  dramatic, “why is this my life” crazy. 

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Luckily things are slowly (very slowly) but surely looking up.  I am surrounded by great people who have kept me going and forced me out of the house when I wanted to be a hermit. Everyone needs to be dragged out and forced to drink tequila every now and then,  right?

Right. 

I am in a new headspace and it’s so scary, I’m not going to lie, but it’s also exciting. When you eliminate as much of the negativity from your life as possible,  you start to see glimpses of that light at the end of the tunnel.  Sometimes it seems dim,  but it’s definitely there.

Until next time,

Xoxo

Wakeup and Make-up

Before I ever had children,  I did what every childless person does,  and made one of those vows that would be completely unrealistic.  Silly declarations of what I would and wouldn’t do as a parent, what I would and would not allow my child(ren) to do, how I would and wouldn’t allow myself to look. 

The most hilarious vow being that I wouldn’t be one of THOSE moms who ran around in workout clothes and a bare face. The kind of moms who shower and put on the (kind of) cleanest thing they could find. The kind of mom who barely shaved her legs because she didn’t have time. My goodness… The horror!

I’d be the svelte trophy mom who looked fierce all day everyday.  I’d wake up to a clean house,  workout,  shower,  and have my mug all done up by 8. That’s the kind of mother and wife I’d be.  I’d be perfect.

REALITY CHECK:

I’m lucky if I get 5 minutes alone to throw some foundation on,  let alone pick out an outfit that doesn’t consist of leggings and a v-neck. 

I’m not saying you should let yourself go  when you have children.  Hell no! The best thing we can do as parents/spouses is take even better care of ourselves because so much of our energy is dedicated to keeping a household together. 

It can be such a challenge though! Sometimes it’s so much easier to just nap.  Actually….it’s always easier to just nap…but we have got to spruce ourselves up a little every now and then and take time for ourselves! Workout for  30 minutes,  choose an outfit that doesn’t involve running shorts,  or read a nice book!

Today I chose to do my makeup.

Even though I am a makeup artist by trade,  the amount of times I actually wear makeup a month is few and far between.  I prefer to put it on others rather than myself honestly, but today I wanted to go for it like the old days.  I swear I was just going to put on foundation and mascara,  but then my glam came out.

Oops.
Here’s the outcome:

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Products used for look:
-Remarcable foundation by Marc Jacobs (cocoa medium)
-MAC Eye Brows pencil (Spiked)
-NARS Pure Matte Lipstick (Volga)
-MAC Pencil Liner (Nightmoth)
-Eyeshadow highlight in corners and on brow bone is MAC (Naked Lunch)
-Blush and contour are from my BH Cosmetics palette (cant find the names at the moment)
-Highlighter on cheekbones MAC “Warm Soul”
-The lashes are just from the beauty  supply and the black liquid liner is one I’ve had.  The name is all rubbed off! I think it’s the NYX Super Fat Eye Marker.

I felt so damn good today because I took some time to myself. Not even just because of the way I looked,  but I remembered how much I love the art of applying makeup. I did it for me and loved the outcome.

Now.

This much effort won’t happen again for at least another few weeks,  so I laid in bed until midnight with my full face.  I didn’t want to wash off this hard work,  ya’ll. It was too fleeky.  Don’t judge. 

I love my bare face, but today I had to remind myself I was still fierce. Even though I’m pregnant and carrying around a purse with filled with fruit snacks,  diapers,  and a sticky sippy cup….I still got it!

We all need that reminder sometimes. 

What are some things you’d like to do for yourself? Let me know!

Xoxo,
Fleeky Mom

P. S. I promise to never say “fleeky” again. 

Pregnancy Update

I just wanted to let you guys know,  I feel like a baby hippo.  Big….only kinda cute.

18 weeks,  2 days.  153 more days to go. 

No big deal. 

I know I’m only in the second trimester,  but I feel BIG. The number on the scale hasn’t moved,  but child,  everything else has.  My boobs feel like cannonballs, my belly button has become an outie again,  and my skin hates me. The joys of growing a life,  huh?

On the bright side! I’m healthy and baby #2 who I have nicknamed Pumpkin is doing grand.  I can feel the tiny movements in there and it makes me so much more in awe of life.  What do they think about in there? I hope he/she can hear me whenever I sing.  That way they know what horror they’re in for. 

Ivie loves to touch my tummy  and kiss it. The way she says “belly” sounds like “boy-eee” and I wonder if that is her way of telling me the gender…I swear these little kids have a 6th sense! I’ll get to find out what I’m having on my birthday next month,  so I’m way excited! We will see if my little fortune teller was correct. 

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Honestly I just look bloated half the time. I’d like to look just a little more pregnant so there’s no question.  My 10 year old cousin told my older brother that he didn’t know I was pregnant,  he just thought I was fat.  Because he thinks everyone but my little brother is fat.  Him and his 8 year old sister mention it weekly. Nigerians. 

*insert mild act of violence here*

Freaking kids, man.

It’s all part of the process though.  I’m more concerned with shooting out a big old healthy baby.  Body’s change. I’m still attempting to be as healthy as possible, but after Pumpkin is born,  I am determined to be at my healthiest. 

How else will I keep up with two rascals?

Until then…pizza.

Xoxo,
Hungry Baby Hippo Mama

My Little Black Book

First I’d like to just say:

It’s nap time,  yall!

My little booger is down for her nap and I am oh so relieved.  How does someone so small have that much energy? And attitude?

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This is what I had to deal with for a bit. 

Cute. 

I’m just glad to have this small breather to eat my cookies and think about cleaning up my house. 

So today I was really thinking about where my life is now and where I’d like to see myself in 5 years.  What can I do to get there? Is it realistic?

I used to have a huge red notebook I’d keep with me. When I say I “used to” have it,  I mean up until last week. Anyway, I’d scribble inspiring quotes I had overheard,  I would write down business ideas,  random goals,  lists upon lists…and then I decided to start writing daily goals, because one thing I suffer from is lack of consistency.  It’s a huge fault of mine,  but I am working on it.  I got a smaller more portable notebook to tote around.

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I make a list of daily goals that really aren’t huge to most,  but things I know I need to get done or that I need to strive towards.

Ex.  – make bed
       – finally fold laundry and put away
       – call front office
       – clean bathrooms
       – get your own domain
       – look into how to monetize blog

I still put quotes,  ideas, and dreams.I also have my long terms goals that I keep in the back of the notebook to check off as they’re accomplished. 

I do this to keep my mind in order and motivated.  I want to be able to look back a few months from now and see that I can follow through. 

The thing I’m striving for at the end of the day is to be able to find my happiness and without sacrificing the happiness of my family. 

My daily goals may not seem like much,  but they are there to help me keep a functioning household,  and also figure out baby steps I can make towards a great life.

I just want to be great! And eat cookies without the guilt and weight gain!

Is that too much to ask?

Xoxo,
Mommy on a Mission

What Is This?

Today Ivie and I had lunch with my good friend and her son.  I hadn’t seen my friend in a million years months and it was beyond time to catch up. 

We had arrived a little early and so I got our table and I ordered a drink for the tot and myself. 

I’ve been to restaurants with Ivie and it was never horrible. She would get a little restless in her highchair or booster,  but I could distract her.  No big deal. 

Well today was a different story. 

Ivie didn’t want to sit in the booster seat.

Oh…. OK.  

I just let her stand. 

Now she wants to eat the sugar packets now. 

Oh… Yeah… No. 

I take the sugar packets.

She does that horrible fake cry and looks me dead in my eyes as if to say “I’m gonna put your nerves to work today mom.  Try me.”

Oh man. Did she ever.

From the squeezing of her juice cup that made it spill,  to the defiant cry she let out when she didn’t want to cooperate,  I was about to flip my shit. 

“Please stop touching the plant.”
“Sit down on your booty.”
“Food is yummy! Please eat.”
“Stop taking off your shoe.  Stop.”
“Do. Not. Squeeze. That. Cup. ”

I am the type that keeps her cool on the outside,  but inside I am a tazmanian devil breaking things in anger and mentally cursing at the top of my lungs.  This child is learning to push some serious buttons. I am considering investing in a strait jacket just her size.

She is scooping her rice on the table and trying to eat it.  She wants to stand and eat her food while spilling it EVERYWHERE.  She wants to sit on me and hug me while I attempt to cut my steak *Insert random piercing banchee scream*

Please Lord,  let me just make it to nap time.  Lord,  please be a muzzle so I don’t yell at my child right now. 

When lunch is finally over,  we make it to the car,  I strap her in and just sit in there for a second and just stare at her.

We freaking made it out alive. 

But What stage is this? I thought there was a “terrible twos” not a “wtf one and a half”?Is it possible that if we go home and nap,  then this little defiant hellion will disappear and go back to my sweet drooling 6 month old?

She is kicking the seat and doing the whiny thing that really really annoys me…. when she breaks into this madman laughter and says “Mommy? Mommy? Mommy? I wuv youuuuuuu. I wuv youuuuuuuuuuuu.”

“Okay,  oh my Gosh,  Ivie.  I love you too!”

Who could stay mad at that? Even though I left with a mad eye twitch and indigestion,  that silly smile and sweet voice just make me melt. Those moments of frustration feel like they will last a lifetime but they never do.

Those little moments after the storm… hearing her say “I wuv you”… just cancel out everything.

Major lesson learned though: Make sandwiches and sit your ass at home with your friend and the babies. 

Xoxo,
Discombobulated Mama