What Is This?

Today Ivie and I had lunch with my good friend and her son.  I hadn’t seen my friend in a million years months and it was beyond time to catch up. 

We had arrived a little early and so I got our table and I ordered a drink for the tot and myself. 

I’ve been to restaurants with Ivie and it was never horrible. She would get a little restless in her highchair or booster,  but I could distract her.  No big deal. 

Well today was a different story. 

Ivie didn’t want to sit in the booster seat.

Oh…. OK.  

I just let her stand. 

Now she wants to eat the sugar packets now. 

Oh… Yeah… No. 

I take the sugar packets.

She does that horrible fake cry and looks me dead in my eyes as if to say “I’m gonna put your nerves to work today mom.  Try me.”

Oh man. Did she ever.

From the squeezing of her juice cup that made it spill,  to the defiant cry she let out when she didn’t want to cooperate,  I was about to flip my shit. 

“Please stop touching the plant.”
“Sit down on your booty.”
“Food is yummy! Please eat.”
“Stop taking off your shoe.  Stop.”
“Do. Not. Squeeze. That. Cup. ”

I am the type that keeps her cool on the outside,  but inside I am a tazmanian devil breaking things in anger and mentally cursing at the top of my lungs.  This child is learning to push some serious buttons. I am considering investing in a strait jacket just her size.

She is scooping her rice on the table and trying to eat it.  She wants to stand and eat her food while spilling it EVERYWHERE.  She wants to sit on me and hug me while I attempt to cut my steak *Insert random piercing banchee scream*

Please Lord,  let me just make it to nap time.  Lord,  please be a muzzle so I don’t yell at my child right now. 

When lunch is finally over,  we make it to the car,  I strap her in and just sit in there for a second and just stare at her.

We freaking made it out alive. 

But What stage is this? I thought there was a “terrible twos” not a “wtf one and a half”?Is it possible that if we go home and nap,  then this little defiant hellion will disappear and go back to my sweet drooling 6 month old?

She is kicking the seat and doing the whiny thing that really really annoys me…. when she breaks into this madman laughter and says “Mommy? Mommy? Mommy? I wuv youuuuuuu. I wuv youuuuuuuuuuuu.”

“Okay,  oh my Gosh,  Ivie.  I love you too!”

Who could stay mad at that? Even though I left with a mad eye twitch and indigestion,  that silly smile and sweet voice just make me melt. Those moments of frustration feel like they will last a lifetime but they never do.

Those little moments after the storm… hearing her say “I wuv you”… just cancel out everything.

Major lesson learned though: Make sandwiches and sit your ass at home with your friend and the babies. 

Discombobulated Mama


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